Topics of conversations around all things girly!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Old habits die hard....Or do they?

We all have bad habits that we know we should change but sometimes its just so easy to keep with the status quo and put it off for another day. Some people give the excuse that people don't change, which I think for the most part is true. However there are every day habits we can change so we can be a better person. Today's post is from my favorite no-nonsense counselor, Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Perhaps after reading her thoughts, you will wake up tomorrow with a new outlook on life!

Eleven Ways to Kick Hurtful Habits
Old habits die hard.  Be it smoking, gossiping, raising your temper, pointing out others' flaws, avoiding responsibility, or getting defensive, when something becomes familiar and comfortable, pathways get set up in the brain and it becomes a knee-jerk behavior. 
Here are a few tips on how to change a bad habit and be a better spouse, family member, or friend:  
1. Become aware of the problem.  When I was training to be a marriage and family therapist at USC, one of the things we would do is film sessions with families.  Then we would sit down with the families and let them watch the tapes.  It was amazing how many people would look at the videos and say, "I can't believe I do that! I can't believe I say that! I can't believe I make those faces!"   It had been tough for them to see before because their behavior was so habitual and normal.  Therefore, when you discover or are confronted with something you do that hurts somebody else,don't ignore it.
2. Be honest with yourself. Whether you have figured it out by yourself or it was pointed out to you, you have to acknowledge that you have hurt someone else.  You need to take a good look at yourself and admit you have a problem.  That's the only way you'll change your actions.
3. Apologize. Apologizing doesn't just mean saying, "I'm sorry."  It needs to be followed by, "What can I do to make up for it?"   The answer you get in response will help you find a way to make things right.  Furthermore, you can't apologize and then do the same thing again. Repeating the hurtful behavior makes your apologies meaningless.
4. Think before you speak.  Before words come out of your mouth, ask yourself, "What do I really want to convey?  How will he or she interpret what I say?"  Anticipate people's sensitivities. Take time to figure out what you're going to say in a tactful manner, otherwise, button your lip.  Not everything that is true needs to be spoken.
5. Show empathy.  Instead of saying, "I don't really understand why they're getting so upset," put yourself in your loved one's shoes and feel what he or she is feeling.  One thing I used to do in private practice and still do with couples on the air is have one person defend the other's point of view.  For example, if a husband comes home and isn't very cuddly and friendly, his wife has to adopt his perspective.  She might say, "I had a long day at work and, on top of that, there was horrible traffic coming home."  And then I do the reverse.  If a husband is complaining about why things aren't neat when he comes home, he has to take on his wife's point of view: "I had x number of things to do in addition to taking care of the kids, so I couldn't make everything perfect."  It's amazing what a difference showing some understanding can make.  Just the look on the other person's face when you defend why they do what they do is priceless.  (Just for fun, try playing this game tonight with your spouse!)                    
6. Control your temper. When you're about to fly off the handle, remember the old "count to 10" trick.
7. Practice, practice, practice. It takes about 30 or so repetitions to create a new habit, so stay with it.  As you probably know, one of my hobbies is shooting pool.  What's fascinating to me is how if I miss a shot and try to do it again thinking I'm doing something different, I'll hit it the exact same way.  I have to set up the shot seven or eight times until my brain sees it differently.  We're like that with everything - it takes repetition for your brain to set down a new pattern and become comfortable with it.
8. Listen when others speak.  Instead of getting defensive and assuming everything is a criticism, allow other people to help you recognize certain ways you could improve.  Unless the person is downright mean and nasty, listen to them.  You may think they're putting you down when they're really trying to lift you up. 
9. Remember that relationships have to be a win-win.  If one of you loses in a relationship, you both do.  Always trying to "win" an argument is only going to cause more hurt.  For example, when a woman's husband doesn't want her to stay at home with their kids, I tell her to say how much more relaxed, loving, and available she's going to be, and that she's impressed with him as a man even though it's going to be a little scary without the extra income.  That way it's a win-win: he feels elevated and so does she.  If you can't fix it so both of you feel like you've won something, then put the issue away and come back to it another day.
10. Believe in yourself.  You have to believe that you actually can change. Trying is no good - you have to do it!
11. Remind yourself that you want this.  You either want to be a better person or you don't.  It's that simple. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Dressing for Success: 10 Chic Tips

"Workin nine to five, what a way to make a livin, barely gettin by, its all takin, and no givin."
In 1982, Dolly Parton sung it best. However, thirty years later women are no longer relying on men for their incomes, or succumbing to lower wages. Many of us have been very successful and have worked hard for high paying, long term jobs.
Now that we have all these great accomplishments, we want to make sure we look professional yet chic for our clients, employees, and bosses.

One of my favorite bloggers and fashion/business icons, Lauren Conrad, recently posted about how to look stylish in the workplace. Read on and take notes to make sure you are not having a office faux pax moment!

1. Hem your pants.
Ladies, you should never expect to wear the same pair of pants with flats and with heels. You need to have two separate pairs for each. When wearing pants with heels make sure the length is about .25" from the ground. And with flats, you do not want any part of your pants hanging on the ground, it looks sloppy!

2. Check your sleeve length.
When holding your arms at your side, the cuff of your sleeves should hit just below the wrist. Bring them to your taylor if you need the cuff adjusted. Sleeves that are too long or too short fall into the same category as ill-fitting pants.

3. Buy button-up shirts that fit.
Button up shirts should fit across your chest without gaping. It is unprofessional to be giving a peep show of your undergarments while the buttons are hanging on for dear life.

4. Invest in a good pair of shoes.
Always have at least two to three pairs each of heels and flats that you can wear for 8 hours. When you're in a meeting or giving a presentation your shoes will be noticed, and so will those scuffs. So be sure to have them shined or repaired if needed. Remember, shoe cobblers are our friends.

5. Belt it.
Never go belt-less when you're wearing a shirt tucked in and the belt loops are showing. It will look like you forgot to finish getting dressed. When you wear belts with shirts and dresses make sure the belt is secured even when there are no belt loops. You can use a safety pin to keep it in place!

6. Don't pile on accessories.
It's ok to pile on whatever accessories you want when you go out with your friends. In the office, make sure to keep it simple. To keep the focus on one item, consider a statement piece like a big necklace.

7. Maintain your manicure.
So many of us are guilty of picking away at our chipping manicure. But not only does it look unprofessional to sit in a meeting and peel away, it also looks like we don't care about our appearance. When the polish starts to split, take it off. You don't have to get manicures every week but make sure your fingers are nice and neat by using clear polish and cutting away the dead skin!

8. Dry your hair.
Bottom line here, get up a little earlier if you don't have time to fully dry your hair. The just rolled out of bed or just took a shower look leaves a messy impression.

9. Don't over do the perfume.
I like to put the perfume on before I get dressed that way it doesn't linger on my clothes all day long and over power everyone around me. Remember, one pump, not three will do the trick.

10. Brighten up your eyes.
This is a good one for those of us that dabble in mid week happy hour every now and again. To get rid of those tired looking, red eyes, squirt some visine in and see how they open up. Brighter eyes will make a better impression than dark, unhappy ones.

To read the full article, click here!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Happy Opening Day San Francisco Giants Fans!

Today is one of my favorite day's of the year. Not only is it the start of baseball season but I get to watch my San Francisco Giants raise their second World Series flag in three years!
Good luck to all the baseball fans around the country, and may the best team win!

Play Ball!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Premium Denim Sale!

Who doesn't love a great pair of designer denim? April is the perfect month to stock up on all your denim needs! I have a huge inventory of designer and boutique jeans including capri's, shorts, & skirts!
Contact me today to book your in home denim party
OR go to Vault Denim Online and type in party code: 238038.
Most jeans $19.95 to $27.50!

Happy Shopping!